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Emotions can be so overwhelming. In the heat of the moment, it’s easy to give in to your emotions and react on a primal level rather than take control of your emotions and harness them for the greater good.
We’ve all said and done things we regret in an emotional outburst. Or maybe you've been emotionally hiding for so long that you've lost touch with your emotions and have no idea how to express them.
When you’re in the midst of overwhelming emotions, do you ever…
…emotionally explode? This could be crying or yelling, or even feeling like you’ve got tunnel vision and the desire to lash out physically or verbally.
…emotionally implode? This is retreating within yourself and hiding rather than confronting the situation. It’s a deep need to just shut down so you don’t have to feel or deal with anything.
Whatever your reaction to overwhelming emotions, it’s important for you to learn to take control of them so that they don’t dictate your actions or cause you to shut down. I’ve created this 3-minute Emotional Regulation Exercise to help you get through your emotions and express them appropriately.
Minute One
When you feel your emotions start to take over, and before you allow yourself to react, stop and notice what’s happening with your body. Narrate you observations out loud. For example, if you’re feeling angry, say out loud: “I feel my shoulders are getting tighter. My heart is racing. I'm breathing quickly. My face feels hot.” This will help you to remove yourself from the emotion and start to observe it objectively.
If you feel the need to emotionally express, now is the time to do it. Fling yourself onto your bed and throw a tantrum like a toddler. Scream and cry and kick and flail. Alternatively, you could stomp your feet and yell. Either way, you’re probably going to end up laughing because 1) it feels so dang good and 2) giving your emotions a place to go makes space for joy.
Minute Two
Take a series of three deep breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth.
Ask yourself what you need right now. Do you need time alone to calm down? Do you need to feel supported and loved? Do you need to talk about it or journal about it? Ask for what you need either from yourself or from another person.
Can you choose compassion in this moment and try to see things from their perspective as well? This will help you to choose a calmer, more productive reaction and help you to feel more connected to yourself if the emotion is completely internal, or help you to feel closer to the person who is “causing” you to emotionally react.
Minute Three
Use the concept of mirroring to consider what this outburst may mean. If someone else is causing you to “fly off the handle,” what is it about them that’s actually a reflection of something that you need to work on or let go of? For example, if you get angry about another's procrastination, you may struggle with it yourself. Recognizing this pattern can foster self-awareness and encourage personal growth by helping you to confront your own behavior rather than focusing on those of others.
Really take time to analyze the situation before you allow yourself to react. If you do end up reacting, take time after you’ve cooled off to reflect on the situation and what it means, and how you can learn from it next time. Try a quick grounding meditation to help yourself become more centered.
Emotions need to be expressed in a healthy way.
Holding on to or “stuffing” your emotions is physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually damaging, while emotional outbursts can be destructive and lead to hurtful actions or words. With consistent practice of this emotional regulation exercise, you’ll find that your reaction to things will shift as you realize you have more control over your emotions and your reactions than you realized.
Need more guidance in working through your emotions?
I highly recommend the book Loving What Is: 4 Questions that Can Change Your Life by Byron Katie.
Byron Katie introduced The Work in 2003 with her book "Loving What Is," which continues to inspire people worldwide nearly two decades later. This introspective method consists of four fundamental questions designed to help you examine stressful thoughts and shift your perspective on personal challenges. The book offers clear, step-by-step examples on how to effectively implement this powerful process for personal growth and understanding.
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